The Brothel House Rules
by Foul Fountain of Flies
Summary: Aizen betrays Soul Society to become a profitable businessman: A pimp. He then hires the Espada as his prostitutes. What they didn’t foresee is that his customers would be none other than his fellow Shinigamis at Gotei 13. DISCONTINUED.
1. Chapter 1

**The Brothel House Rules**

Disclaimer: You know, if you'd use your imagination a little, you'd realize that I don't own Bleach. I'd like to apply as Kubo's lover though, just to have a part of that juicy thing called property.

Summary: Semi-AU. Aizen betrays Soul Society to become a profitable businessman: A pimp. He then hires the Espada as his prostitutes. What they didn't foresee is that his customers would be none other than his fellow Shinigamis in Gotei 13.

Possible pairings: RenjiXSzayel. IshidaXSzayel. StarkXKyouraku. ByakuyaXRenji. GrimmjowXIchigo. GinXKira. UlquiorraXIchigo. AizenXUlquiorra. HitsugayaXHalibel. ShuuheiXHalibel. Subject to change upon request or whatever.

* * *

Prologue: What Pushed the Soul Society to Get Rid of Sousuke Aizen

Sousuke Aizen was an ambitious and crafty man. He had an eye for money, bright future and a comfortable life ahead. To complement this, he was intelligent and perceptive, which made his actions more often than not fruitful. But more than anything else in these things combined, he had an eye for talent. He knew where to look, who to trust, and who to use. So when he secretly devised ways to get kicked out of the Soul Society, he knew exactly just where to start: He made a half-baked master plan to pervert the minds of his two fellow captains, lie, make a bloody carnage at Sector 46, murder Kuchiki Rukia, fake his death, re-emerge as the bad guy, stab Hinamori, and incriminate Hitsugaya in that order (part of his side plans included breaking love teams apart too, as in the case of Hitsugaya and Hinamori, and Gin and Matsumoto). In short, to annoy Commander Yamamoto as severely as he could. He figured that that should be enough for old Yamamoto to fire his ass from Soul Society and not want to see his face ever again.

It was, of course, much more than enough. At this point, Yamamoto was screaming for his head and might probably have plans of keeping it as a trophy on his wall. Aizen knew that the old man left him no choice but to unleash his evil in its ripest form. In other words, he faithfully believed that what he did was the right thing to do.

"He wouldn't let me resign or let me go out there on my own. What else could I have done?" If anyone gave him a chance for an interview, this is exactly what he might have said.

As it happened, not everyone in the Gotei 13 was opposed to Aizen's plot. Gin, his former lieutenant, was ever ready to stand by him. He even facilitated the operation behind Rukia's death penalty just so they could demonstrate how wicked they really were. Another person who supported Aizen was Tousen. No one was sure what his motives were for sticking up for Aizen, but as far as things went, he seemed firmly set on backing the asshole up for whatever good it might do him.

Thus, on a lonely cold night and upon the capture of all three, their execution under the decree of the noble and righteous Royal Family was ordered. What the Soul Society didn't foresee was how skilled these three people truthfully were. Indeed, for anyone bearing the cape of a captain, they seemed quite over-qualified. Thus, at the moment the blade of doom was to grace their necks, they disappeared. There was a long-drawn sigh from the audience as a puff of smoke clouded their vision. Of course, one can only imagine their shock when they learned that the heads they were supposed to have severed transformed into thin air on the chopping block. It might've been Aizen's idea of a joke but at any rate, he was gone. And so were his cronies.

In truth, Aizen wasn't one to use violence or such dirty tricks to prove a point. He knew a lot of tricks, he'd had them up his sleeves for a long time now, but he wouldn't just try it on anyone on a whim. It was only a matter of time then when he realized that his talents were being laid to waste for so long as he stayed with the Gotei 13. He wouldn't prosper there, that's for certain. But Yamamoto was ever so vehemently against his resignation. No matter how much and how long Aizen pleaded, the old man didn't budge. In fact, the more persistent Aizen got, the stonier the old man got. This annoyed Aizen to epic proportions. And so he did what any reasonable man would do, he committed the multiple crimes we just mentioned above. And he did it perforce. And that's why he was now out of the Gotei 13 for good. Or so he thought.

The dream that Aizen had been dying to pursue outside of the Soul Society was to actually put up the busiest, most in demand whore house the world had ever seen. In his travels across the globe, he had seen how rich pimps became in only a short amount of time. What he earned as an elite shinigami in one year was remarkably nothing compared to what a well-established pimp earned in just a few weeks. It shocked him therefore how easy life was outside the Soul Society, and it subsequently triggered this grand ambition in him: _I will become a pimp!_

And so he did. Just within two seconds of proclaiming it, Sousuke Aizen became a grand pimp.

* * *

Far away from the Soul Society, in another dimension called the Hueco Mundo, there was a huge structure that souls and monsters alike called Las Noches. At Las Noches, all sorts of magnificent things happened. For example, one could cry in pain one moment and in the next scream in pleasure. Sometimes it could go on longer than that and more often, the process got to repeat itself until somebody said "enough". But in many of these cases, the people/creatures involved always got what they wanted. In other words, they always walked away from the castle satisfied.

Las Noches was where Aizen chose to conduct his hocus-pocus. In there, he was the Boss, the Daddy of everyone. He refused to call Las Noches a whore house and was swift to argue that Las Noches was a chic place where customers received all sorts of pleasurable treatment and got to pay for it at a very reasonable price. "Las Noches" means "The Nights", by the way, which would make sense if you realize that it only opened its gates after sundown.

Aizen's prostitutes were larger-than-life Arrancars. Of these Arrancars, there were ten that Aizen liked to call The Espada. "Espada" is literally translated to "sword"; so when one is called an Espada, it figuratively means that he could rip you apart. In fact, The Espada could rip apart any part of your body without an ounce of difficulty. Rumor had it that customers, masochistic ones, loved to be ripped apart in certain places: they wanted that part of themselves they called chastity to be ripped apart. In those days, it was an undisputable honor to have that chastity part ripped apart by an Espada.

The Espada were also the most prized employees of Sousuke Aizen. They excelled in terms of statistics and attracting customers. This invariably meant that one had to shell out his whole month's worth of Shinigami earnings to spend at most a night with an Espada. They were creatures of unimaginable majesty, grace, and charms that anyone who got to lay an eye on them found it hard to stare away afterward. So even if one had to go broke just to be done by an Espada, one was likely to always think of it as a worthy deed.

These ten Espada went by different names, but the most known ones were names that obviously indicated their ranks. In other words, there was hierarchy among them. The most profitable of them went by the title Primera, the next one Segunda, the next one Tercera and so on and so forth. The higher the rank, the pricier he was. That was the principle.

And so we are now more or less acquainted with Aizen's business and what he was up to all along. The following day, upon the completion of his whore line-up and the foundation of Las Noches, he went on to work on its advertisement. It was supposed to be the easy part.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**The Brothel House Rules**

Disclaimer: You know, if you'd use your imagination a little, you'd realize that I don't own Bleach. I'd like to apply as Kubo's lover though, just to have a part of that juicy thing called property.

Summary: Semi-AU. Aizen betrays Soul Society to become a profitable businessman: A pimp. He then hires the Espada as his prostitutes. What they didn't foresee is that his customers would be none other than his fellow Shinigamis at Gotei 13.

Possible pairings: RenjiXSzayel. IshidaXSzayel. StarkXKyouraku. ByakuyaXRenji. GrimmjowXIchigo. GinXKira. UlquiorraXIchigo. AizenXUlquiorra. HitsugayaXHalibel. ShuuheiXHalibel. Subject to change upon request or whatever.

* * *

Chapter I: How the People of Gotei 13 Received the Tragedy

Aizen asked Kaname Tousen to design the pamphlets. He argued that he had no inclination toward art and that he could find no one else more appropriate or well-equipped for the job. That was his excuse. If he realized that Tousen had a congenital eye disease which rendered him blind since birth, he didn't bring it up. Equipped with no means whatsoever to accomplish this dirty job, Tousen did what he did best: He worked on the advertisement campaign in the dark. When it was finished, he showed Aizen a sample of the posters. The background was red and the font was in black. The slogan went like: "Need a ride? Introducing The Arran-_cars_. Let them take you to Las Noches…" That was smart, Aizen thought as he rubbed his chin and smirked. To top it all off, a picture of a topless teal-haired guy in the showers was inserted behind the text. He had a hole the size of Captain Komamura's fist just a little below the fourth set of his six-pack. And if one took a clearer peek, a partial stroke of black calligraphy that seemed to make up the Number 6 was inked on the right side of his back.

For these vulgar prints to be distributed and dispersed publicly, Aizen needed the master sneak Ichimaru Gin. Gin was expert in creeping into places in the dead of night without making so much as a thud. So on the first night of his duty, there was no spot on the walls in all of Gotei 13 that was left unplastered with these posters. Even so, there was also no trace of the person responsible for such vandalism. It was a huge success.

The first bloke who had the misfortune of feasting his eyes on the fruit of Gin's labor, as luck would provide it, was none other than his former lieutenant. This was because not even the interior walls of the Third Division's office were spared, not even a square inch of it. To those who had the faintest suspicion on the identity of the culprit, it was pretty much clear why this was so. Ichimaru Gin had always had a special fondness in stealing into hardly accessible places undetected, and what with his adeptness at it, one might right away decree the wrongness in the Council 46's decision of assigning someone like Soi Fong as the head of the Assassination Brigade.

Going back to the matter at hand, Kira was not in the least pleased with the new appearance of 'his' office, not knowing that worse was to follow. As the posters were so indecipherable in their multiplicity, Kira determined that he could only read the messages written on them by approaching them. And approach he did. The obscenity of what greeted him was far beyond everything he imagined was possible in the world. The picture of the topless anonymous guy in a striking pose alone was enough to make anyone realize that it was an ad for a whore house. But what offended Kira most of all was the blatancy with which the message was phrased: "Need a ride?" What the hell is the world coming into?

Kira brusquely snatched the poster away to salvage what innocence he had left. Of course, if he had known any better he'd realize well enough that getting accustomed to such sight was the logical thing to do; pretty soon, the poster would find a huge place for itself in the Shinigami everyday speech that one would also have to accustom himself to the sound of "Las Noches". As of press time, however, Izuru Kira was fast on his labor of stripping all thousands of them from the walls. What he didn't realize is that what he was dealing with was merely the tip of this horrible iceberg; outside, thousands and thousands of its copies remained, filling up every square inch of the Soul Society.

In a fillip, pretty much every Shinigami in the Gotei 13 had seen, studied, and secretly become obsessed with the poster and what it meant. Among them, Abarai Renji was very vocal on what he thought about it.

"What the fuck is this?! Who's the immoral lowlife who's responsible for this? I have never, in all my life, encountered something so filthy! And what the hell made them think that we Shinigamis would be interested in whores? Whores, of all fucking creatures! Argh!" Renji wrung his head in morbid hysterics. Beside him, Ichigo was faintly shaking his head.

"I don't know, Renji, but this guy looks pretty okay—"

"What the fuck, Ichigo? This jeopardizes our honor as Shinigamis. They can't expect us to actually consider this, let alone indulge on such debauchery."

"Yeah… I only meant that, yeah! We're too decent for this kind of thing."

"Of course we are, mate."

And yet, neither of them bothered hacking the posters off the walls that surrounded them on all sides. If anything, they continued staring at them with what seemed like a thin trace of drool rolling down their chins.

In the next block, Division Nine was in no less disturbance.

"How cheap. What brothel would choose this mediocre-looking prick as their poster-boy? I mean, I could do better and that's me without artificial hair color. And what's 6 compared to 69?" Hisagi Shuuhei hissed as he eyed the posters with obvious scorn. Behind him, his subordinates nodded their heads in agreement. As far as they could tell, Hisagi Shuuhei would certainly make a better-looking whore than this easy-to-get model Las Noches chose as its cover face.

At the Eight Division, Kyourako was having a warm cup of tea under a cherry blossom. It was such a fine day that was devoid of all annoyances and unnecessary distractions, except for one tiny thing: all hell had broken loose. To start with, Ise Nanao was currently too absorbed with the present calamity that the outrageous posters were supplying that one wrong mention of anything would surely be equivalent to a trip in the morgue. So there she was, working her ass off to contribute to the eradication of the vile posters and sending orders left, right, and center, when his captain, in what appeared like a very bright mood, came toddling over her,

"Nanao-chan, I have something I want you to do for me—"

"—I'm busy, captain."

"Oh no, no; this is something of great importance. I want you to place an order for me at Las Noches. Would you be so kind as to contact them and tell them that I'm willing to pay whatever amount they may wish to offer for a special night with their best employee? And please have them know that I would prefer someone better-looking than this guy. I expect you've seen the posters." The captain says, holding out an unblemished Las Noches poster for his lieutenant's scrutiny.

Nanao, who was actually in the act of collecting the posters, rigorously stripping them off the Eight Division's quarter's walls just a few moments back, threw the stack in her arms at her captain's face. To liken her to a mad bull chasing after a red blanket would have been a grave understatement.

At any rate, no one knew what exactly happened next. Whether Kyouraku got his request or not was anyone's guess. What everyone was sure of was that he wasn't able to attend his slated meeting that night, or got back in hi quarters to sleep.

In yet another next block, Division Four was scouring to conjure order out of the entire mess. They'd succeeded in clearing up a small portion of the Gotei 13's east wing but it required enough manpower to exhaust them even before afternoon ticked off. In Captain Unohana's estimate, it would take them at the very least a month to get rid of all this trash, by which time pretty much everyone in the Gotei 13 would have had the pleasure of visiting Las Noches, whatever and wherever it really was.

The only squad that didn't seem affected in any profound way by the change was that of Zaraki's. Upon marching out of their quarters, the best Kusajishi Yachiru could remark was,

"Wow, Ken-chan, something seems different with the world today."

If Zaraki Kenpachi did notice anything amiss, he certainly did a very good job of walking past each poster without clapping an eye. Whatever was in it wouldn't give him blood anyhow.

Ikkaku and Yumichika, however, missed the entire point.

"What the hell is that?" Yumichika laughed, pointing at the man in the poster. "A drag queen? I would've thought he had more taste in his blood. And look at those eyeshadows! Whoever puts on eyeshadows nowadays?" And he went on to laugh like hell. Beside him, Ikkaku was trembling with irritation at Yumichika's guileless insults, his red eyeshadows growing redder by the second.

And all over the Gotei 13, girls fainted, captains scratched their heads, and Commander Yamamoto despaired in his office. For the first time in his long life, he didn't know what to do.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**The Brothel House Rules**

Disclaimer: You know, if you'd use your imagination a little, you'd realize that I don't own Bleach. I'd like to apply as Kubo's lover though, just to have a part of that juicy thing called property.

Summary: Semi-AU. Aizen betrays Soul Society to become a profitable businessman: A pimp. He then hires the Espada as his prostitutes. What they didn't foresee is that his customers would be none other than his fellow Shinigamis at Gotei 13.

Possible pairings: RenjiXSzayel. IshidaXSzayel. StarkXKyouraku. ByakuyaXRenji. GrimmjowXIchigo. GinXKira. UlquiorraXIchigo. AizenXUlquiorra. HitsugayaXHalibel. ShuuheiXHalibel. Subject to change upon request or whatever.

* * *

Chapter II: Of the Fate of Ichigo Kurosaki after a Few Hours of Sheer Terror

On the same day in the chapter previously uploaded, about ten hours after seeing the ads for the first time, Abarai Renji and Kurosaki Ichigo parted ways under mysterious pretext and circumstances. The night was partially young and promised vigorous activities ahead.

"I'm going out for dinner, Renji. I'll see you perhaps tomorrow, or the day after that." Ichigo said.

"Alright… I think my captain's calling me. See yah!" Renji said and with that, they speedily dashed in opposite directions.

In the moments that followed, they were leaping through barriers, defying gravity, gliding at the speed of sound faithfully on their way to… in fact, Las Noches. Renji was the one who got there first.

"Touch down!" He told himself in glee as he landed on the expanse of white soil surrounding the magnificent castle. He made his way inside to the reception area where he held out a copy of the ad to the Arrancar at the front desk.

"I hope I came to the right place." Renji smiled at the Arrancar receptionist, who returned a pleasant smile. "Anyway, I was wondering if---"

"I want this one!" gasped a voice behind Renji. Renji turned around and received the shock of his life. Ichigo was holding out his copy of the poster and pointing at the man in it.

"Ichigo, what the fuck?!" Renji said.

Ichigo's face turned as white as the soil they just left outside. "That's my line, fucker! I thought you were meeting with your captain?"

"I thought you were having dinner?!"

"You thought right; I was having dinner nine hours ago!"

"I was at this meeting with Byakuya nine hours ago, if you must know! But more importantly, what is your business here?"

"I'm here to investigate."

"And should an investigation involve _wanting_ this dude in the poster?"

"Wait right there, moron. Just on whom are you trying to turn the tables here? You're the one who was here first!"

"May I help you, gentlemen?" A voice that neither belonged to them both shot through their verbal combat. It was the receptionist. Ichigo and Renji blushed. It was now or never.

Renji stammered, "I… I was just going to ask if… well, shit, Ichigo; let's stop beating around the fucking bush, shall we? I came here to help myself with these and I realized just now that no fucking moron like you should stop some guy like me from having fun. I came here to get myself a whore and I assume we have the same agenda." He finished. The noticeable rise in his voice caught Ichigo's focus, making him grin.

"Well, what the hell does it look like? Didn't I just mention that I want this guy in the picture? Shove off." Ichigo snapped at Renji and hurried to the counter.

"Live and let live, bitch. If this got on record you know I'll know where to look." Renji threatened after him.

"Speak for yourself; I've got my image on this one too, as you ought to know." Ichigo said dismissively. And with that they struck an amazing pact of silence.

The name of the whore that so enticed Ichigo was GrimmJow Jaggerjack and he normally came with such a price that would otherwise have crippled the wallet of any self-respecting Shinigami with a decent salary. But GrimmJow Jaggerjack was a generous whore, a virtue that would run counter against his appearance, and on first meeting Ichigo he quite simply swept the latter off his feet.

"50,000 yen a night? What the fuck do you think I am, a lottery winner? I'm a high school student for fuck's sake!" Ichigo shouted at the receptionist. Far off the distance, his voice echoed with a forceful boom.

"Sir, as you might have already noticed, the employee whose favors you want to enjoy is an Espada, meaning, he's among the potentially top-performing entertainers of Las Noches. As such, it is only reasonable to place such a price on him, as is with the other members of the Espada. Now—"

"Do you think I care if he's an Espada or a fucking son of a gun? I want him, so you'd better make him come down or I'll—"

"And what, pray tell, is the commotion all about?" A deep and icy voice sounded behind Ichigo and the receptionist. Ichigo turned around, only slightly curious as to the owner of the voice. As he did so, shock and what must be divine glory dawned on him: It was none other the teal-haired guy in the poster. Dressed in spotless white and moving with a sort of grace that rendered Ichigo quite speechless, the guy closed in on them. Upon nearer inspection, Ichigo realized as his speech mechanism failed him utterly, that the poster hardly did this man justice: this man could simply fulfill his dream. He didn't know why or how such resolution made its way to him; he just knew it was true, no more, no less.

"Grimmjow Jaggerjack-sama, forgive us, but this boy here actually is being difficult. We've been trying to complete a bargain for some minutes now but it seems that he's firm on not paying the fixed price, as he's miserably broke, according to him. Nonetheless, he wouldn't leave until he gets to enjoy _your_ favors." The receptionist explained.

"My favors? So he came for me?" The guy called Grimmjow smirked.

"It appears that he's been taken by the Las Noches ad at the very first sight."

Grimmjow then swiftly turned on Ichigo who still hadn't recovered his voicebox. "Is it true, boy? Is it me whom you want?"

Ichigo opened his mouth, clammed it close again, repeated the process and let out what only sounded like a faint intelligible stammer.

"You're interesting." Grimmjow whispered meaningfully at Ichigo's ear, making him shudder to the tips of his fingers.

"I… I would pay anything… give everything I own just to spend… a day, no, an hour with you…" Ichigo finally managed to say. At that instant, reason had left him entirely on his own.

"Would you, eh?"

"I will. There's nothing else to want should I have you, Grimmjow Jaggerjack."

"Done then!" Grimmjow suddenly declared. "I will spend the first night with you for free; I'd be more than happy to skillfully demonstrate what I'm capable of doing. Let's go, Shinigami."

"But Grimmjow-sama, Daddy made it absolutely clear that we should do no pro-bono deals. If he learned that you gave one of our customers a free trial, he'd freak out!" interjected the receptionist, who was now stirred and bewildered. Ichigo, on the other hand, seemed lost in deep joy, unable to believe the fortune that just befell on him.

"He doesn't have to know anything about my charity, arrancar. And unless you made a report or two pertaining to this, none of us is in deep shit. Understood?" Grimmjow told the recoiling arrancar and flashed him a malevolent grin. In a minute, he was leading the hopefully entranced Ichigo upstairs.

TBC


End file.
